All through class I couldn’t concentrate. It was just too much, she was just too much. I felt dizzy from all I felt for her.
Of course I felt for her, well, sexually. But I didn’t realize how much I wanted her like that. I mean, it wasn’t until we were alone together this morning that I became driven to have her. Like physically have her. Before it was all just wanting that feeling of closeness and comfort. But last night it was more, and this morning it was much more. Today I saw her, and that was enough.
It kind of scared me how much effect she could have on me. Like how fast she could make me feel as crazy as I did. I’ve never had someone do that to me. I’ve never actually felt this way about anyone before though either. I took a deep breath remembering the morning.
I decided I needed to control myself a little more. I didn’t want her to think I was just too desperate. I really didn’t know what she thought of me actually. Although this was the best relationship I had had so far, all twelve hours of it, I really had no idea where it was going. I mean, Parker and I had chatted about things this morning, but we couldn’t say too much because we didn’t want Julia to hear us. She had almost caught us doing something more than talking…Oh man, that was close. Yet somewhat exhilarating.
But still, the fact remained that I hadn’t really thought abut what I was getting into. It hadn’t even really occurred to me that I had never had a relationship with a girl before. This probably meant I was gay. Maybe I was bi. I mean I had been with many guys before. But nothing had felt like this, like what Parker made me feel.
The more I thought about it, the more questions that popped into my head. Had Parker ever been with girls before? Was she a lesbian? Or was she just as confused as me? I had no idea. Come to think of it, I really didn’t know that much at all about Parker. How could someone I barely knew anything about make me feel this way? Like I had known her forever, and she was my safety.
I had class and she did too, but we were going to meet eachother at the bench later today. I decided that when I saw her next I would try to focus on a couple things. Slowing things down, subtly find out where this was headed, and try to find out anything about Parker.