I came out to someone on Wednesday night. Yeah, I know, someone's always coming out to someone, right? But this someone happened to be my girlfriend.
Allow me to elaborate. There's this girl from work, who I'll call Kristine, because that's her name. We just started dating about three weeks ago. I am not out at work. Why not? Shit, I don't know. At first, I didn't want to "make waves" or some other stupid, lame-ass excuse, take your pick. I was new to the office, new to the city, and I'll admit it, I just wanted to fit in for once in my life. Just this once, I wanted to see what it felt like to just be one of the guys. In the back of my mind, it was always, "yeah, I know I really should get around to telling some of these people I'm queer, but today's not the day." And so the days just kept slipping by, until I had been here for four months, and now I almost feel like I've boxed myself in by my initial silence, like now if I do say anything, it's bound to be turned into this big fucking deal, because I didn't have the nerve to just say it to begin with.
But anyway, that's not even the point, I'm just rambling. There's a girl, and we're crazy about each other, and we started dating about three weeks ago. Things have progressed to the point where I felt that honesty demanded that I tell her that I'm bisexual, because I'd way rather have that conversation before sex even becomes a possibility than afterward, when I'd look like a lying fuck. So yeah, that was a position I'd never been in before, because before I moved here, I've always been militantly out, so everybody already knew. I was so nervous I thought I was going to piss myself. But the only thing I dreaded more than telling her and it fucking everything up was not telling her and having her find out later and really fucking everything up. And besides, I try not to lie to people that I care about. I just think it's good policy.
She kind of freaked out at first, partly because I was so damn scared that I just kind of dropped it on her with no warning, no lead-in, no nothing. Just "yeah, I'll be at Pride this weekend because oh say hey and by the way, I'm bisexual." Yeah, real smooth, Pete. So she did kind of freeak at first, and jesus was I terrified. I thought for sure I had just blown it all right out of the sky, and I really am just nuts about this girl, and I don't know what I'd do if something like that happened.
But after the initial freak-out, the conversation actually went really well. I kind of regained some control over my mindlessly flapping lips, and did my level best to just start over. I think what really turned it around was when I said "what do you need to know here?" I tried to make it clear that she was totally free to ask me anything, or say anything, or feel anything, and I wasn't going to judge her or think less of her. And she did have some questions, like have I actually had boyfriends (yes), what kind of things have I done (several, but probably not the thing you're thinking of), why did I wait so long to tell her (because I was scared shitless). I made a point of telling her that there aren't any boys on the side (except Adrian, but that's more admiration from afar), there aren't even any girls on the side, and that if I wanted to be with anyone else, I wouldn't be with her in the first place. And at the end of the night, I felt really good about the whole thing. After the initial gut panic, it went really well, I said all the things I felt like I needed to say, I let her say whatever she needed to say, and then we just cuddled on the couch and listened to the radio, just like any other night. And it's not even an issue now, we're already past it.
I wanted to put this out there, not as a "hooray for Pete" thing, but because I can't possibly be the only one who has to face this kind of issue. I'm not telling anyone else who to come out to, or when, or where. But you can do it, and it'll probably go better than you think. And no matter what happens, I promise you, the truth really will set you free. Luck and love.