I swung myself off the steps and heard the bus doors clamp behind me. Now for the walk home. A harsh wind blew that froze me to the bone. Don’t be weak, I told myself. I needed to find a job, or some way to make money. I could go back to doing what I had done before, just for a little bit…No! I had promised I wouldn’t go back to my old ways. I should find a job, and buy a proper jacket, since this one was atleast five years old with several holes. All the inner lining had worn away so it was just the outer layer left. Also, I needed to cancel my cell phone subscription, since there was no way I could pay for anything in that area. Stop thinking about it, it’s no use complaining to yourself. I walked on.
I came to a street corner and stopped. I didn’t even realize where I was. It was the same place. I suddenly had a flashback. Blinding light, blaring horns, a frightened scream that wouldn’t escape. I took one step onto the street but couldn’t go any further. Just do it I told myself. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t bring myself to cross that street. Each time I was reminded of what had happened. I retreated to the sidewalk and went down another block.
I finally got home, and sunk onto my bed. Ashlei wasn’t home, and the lights were off. I left them that way. My ponytail was sticking into the back of my head so I took it out. I rarely let my hair down loose, but it was ok this time because I was alone. I brushed a brown strand out of my eye and laid back on the pillow.
I had all these emotions tumbling around inside, and I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to focus on anything. Damn, that’s where basketball came into play. Whenever I felt shitty I would just go and play until I couldn’t breathe and all my muscles were sore. Somehow being able to let everything go into an aggressive activity like that made me feel better. But I didn’t have basketball at the moment. All I had was stupid school and therapy. And crutches.
Earlier today I felt completely different though. I felt like I was actually making a friend. However, my foolishness had been proved once again. If you let yourself depend on someone, you let yourself get let down by someone. That lesson had been proven time and time again. Sara had left, but that was nothing new to me. I just didn’t think she was like that. I really felt comfortable around her, and I really didn’t feel comfortable around anyone. Well now you know, I thought.
And then there was this nagging feeling I’d had ever since my memories had returned. I didn’t think anyone knew that I remembered everything, but I really did not want to tell anyone. It wasn’t their problem, so why should they care anyway? I knew that there was no one I felt like telling, but I didn’t feel like keeping all this in either. If there was just someone I trusted enough to talk with, then I would. But if I trusted anyone that much, I would just be stupid. If you trust someone, make sure it’s not enough to hurt you. That’s what I had been told, and I would never forget.