ok so the answer came to me. i try too damn hard. why don't i ever find a girl? because i'm too busy looking, too focussed on finding - which lands me in all these awkward situations i don't actually want to be in, which isn't good for me or her.

so... i try so hard. i'm so scared i'll be like 25 and never have had a real experience with a woman. not that my experiences haven't been real...

i just want something meaningful with a woman. and i want there to be sex involved.

i need to stop trying, that's why it almost always ends up feeling weird and not right, because i force too much...

i just want to know where my princess charming isssssss....

*whine*