First to introduce myself. I am a 15 year old lesbian. I am in the closet. I go to bording school, spend my life doing homework as a result. I am a cutter, just was found out at school about 4 weeks ago. I hate our school therapist who I am required to see at least once a week, and also dislike my R.A. I am in love with my best friend, the prettiest girl in the world, most likely straight. I live in the same dorm with her and at this point everyone I know likely knows that I am in love with her, except her. She won't notice no matter how hard I try to get her too. Actually I think she might just be ignoring it. Lately things have been really screwed up. She is the one who found out about my cutting and told the R.C. so things have been kind of uncomfortable lately. I am really afraid that if I tell her something that she will tell the R.C. , and even though I know she only told for my own good, things are different between us and it hurts. This weekend we were hanging out really lae at night and had the wonderfull timing to tell me that the R.C, the school theripist, and her roomates mom all think that I am gay. I didn't know how to react. I almost told her the truth but I just wasn't ready. I ended up getting like 2 hours of sleep. I was really shaken up. I was still so completely focused on not cutting that I was not ready to deal with being told something like that. And worse she still wasn't even considering the idea that I might be gay. In the same sentance that she told me all these people thought that I was gay she was still saying that they were wrong. To quote, "Everything inside me was saying no, your not like that." Nice thing to hear when your thinking about coming out huh. I informed her that I was questioning even though I have known for like 3 years that I am gay. I feel really bad because I care so much about her and I absolutely hate lying to her. Anyone else I can lie to. I can look right in our theripists face and say that I havn't cut and she will believe me, even when I was just cutting 5 minutes before our meeting, but I just can't do that with her. Whenever I try to hide anything I always end up telling her. I really wish that I wasn't at boarding school, then I wouldn't have to hide who I was every second of every day until I am ready to come out, but things are what they are and I guess I can't change the past. Sorry I guess I kind of wandered off my introduction huh. Guess i really needed to vent. I guess I'll continue this later.