It has come to my attention that I have been less guarded about disclosing my sexual orientation. I take that as a positive sign that I am entering a new level of self-acceptance and comfort.
That is not to say I have been telling everybody-- far from it! There have been numerous occasions where it would have been appropriate to mention that I'm gay, but I haven't. I'm still not THAT open with it. I think that certain people need not be told. Also, I still do not have any gay mannerisms which might prompt people to ask. But, I have told three people in the last week that I'm gay, which is, for you math people, a 100% leap over who knew before. (Well, I think my math is right... 3 people who I see regularly knew before, and now 3 more people know...). And here are the lucky(?) recipients of that knowledge:
1) A childhood friend I was talking to on MSN. I saw her a couple times the summer before, but we didn't meet up this past summer. Actually, she was not just any childhood friend; she was the girl I was going to marry! We also dated when we were more mature... grade 6-ish...! Well, she's grown up into a very interesting person, doing all this social activism (especially re: poverty and homelessness) and travelling. She was teasing me that I'm not "living in the present" (which I admit I kind of resented; to put it bluntly, she barely knows me), and she asked me how many people I've kissed recently. I figured that would be an appropriate time... so I told her I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. I figured she would be gay positive, and I don't see her much anyway... So there I went! Plus, I thought it would catch her off-balance... make her realize that she doesn't know all that much about me. That's just a snarky little side-thing. I really did feel that she would be accepting and supportive. Indeed, she was! She offered to introduce me one of her ex's... who came out as gay ("tells you something about my dating patterns, eh?", she said).
2) My "Drama and Education" course director. She was giving me my evaluation from a seminar I did almost a month ago after class. We were talking about the seminar just presented, and how the guest "actors" were so talented. (Look up "Playback Theatre". It's fascinating!) Anyway, I was mentioning how awkward it must have been for one of these guys, because he had to play a flaming gay character in one of the scenes. He mentioned how he was straight, and he didn't want to offend anyone, but he did a wonderful job. I decided, "why not, I'll make a point" and explained how scared he must have felt when had to play such a stereotype. I said to my course director, "I mean, I'm gay, but I would have felt really scared and awkward if I had to play a character like that."
3) In the room at the time was one of my female classmates. She was far enough away that she might not have heard my disclosure... But I decided I would tell her anyways. That way, she wouldn't have to pretend that she hadn't heard if she had. She's quite the hottie, and I think she thinks that I was checking out her breasts a few times. Well, now she knows that I really wasn't. Well, not that much, anyway ;)
That's it, enough writing. While I welcome your comments here, it's in my dating odyssey journal that I really need them!
Have a great weekend everyone (or, to my American friends, have a great rest of the long weekend!),