I just got off the phone with my girlfriend...2 conversations in 2 weeks; not bad! As wonderful as it was to be able to hear her voice, however, I can't help but feel a bit more depressed after having hung up the phone. For those who don't know, we've always been in a long-distance relationship; we met online last January. I'm from Colorado, usually go to school in Indiana (but am in Australia for the semester) and she's from Louisiana. We've seen each other twice in person...she spent a week with me for my spring break last spring, and then I spent about a week and a half with her at the beginning of the summer. Not seeing her since I've come over to Australia has been really hard, but the whole time I've been telling myself that even if we can't live close when I get back, we'll still see each other over my Christmas break, maybe spring break, and perhaps she could even visit me at school during next semester.
I'd really like to see her more often. When I think about what it would be like to see her every day or even once a month, it hurts comparing that to what we have. For awhile I thought she was going to be moving up to Michigan, which would only be about 3 hours from where I go to school... well that opportunity seems to have collapsed, and I think the whole situation's just getting worse. She's been out of a steady job for a while, just working random jobs here and there for some money. She's thinking she might be able to get a more steady job soon through some guy she knows, but that might make it so that she can't visit me over Christmas break. Even if she didn't have to worry about taking time off for work, she's broke and I'm broke...and transportation's expensive.
*sigh* The whole situation just seems hopeless. I just want to close my eyes and have it be three years in the future in a time when I've graduated and I have a good job and hopefully she has a steady job and we're living together in some apartment somewhere.
I know we're probably just going to have to put up with a lot more infrequent visits than we'd like. But with her not having a computer, i'm just feeling completely shut off. There's letters...but I can't seem to get her to write me any while I'm here...hopefully that'll change when I get back to the US.
I don't mean for this to be a post to evoke pity or sympathy. It's more for me than anything. I'm just don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling or with the thoughts going through my head right now, so my first instinct in just to write about it.
I just want to end by saying that as much as I do love my girlfriend, I don't think I'd wish this type of relationship on anyone. It's so stressful. I can only hope that hanging in there now will be worth it in the future (which seems so far away).