Ok...time for some completely non-election related goodness.
I was freaking out last week about this girl, Kate: I was worried that she would be interested in me and I didn't know how I would react because I'm feeling very uncertain about my relationship with my girlfriend right now. Well last night was when we were supposed to go back to the gay club together... We ended up getting a bottle of wine and just chilling at her place. We drank the wine, ate some ice cream and watched Buffy, which I hadn't seen all semester. It was a really great time, and best of all, it was completely platonic. I'm no longer worried about all the "what-ifs"...and actually, she seems quite taken with this girl she hooked up with at the club the last time we went.
*whew* Big sigh of relief.
I really need to do some big-time thinking about my relationship and my future, and I can't really do that clearly if I'm worried about some other girl getting in the way.
As far as my relationship goes...I just feel like it's changed since I've come here, well, obviously it has since we're now 12000 miles apart. But whenever I talk to her she doesn't seem that excited that I've called. And she hasn't written me once. She says she hasn't had any money, but I have trouble believing she couldn't scrape up 80 cents for a stamp. And her computer isn't working...while I know it's completely possible that none of the people she hangs out with has an internet connection (she lives in a rural area of Louisiana), I have a feeling that if she really tried she could find one somewhere that she could use to send me a quick message every now and then. Basically I feel like she's not trying. I feel like me coming over here has caused her to shove me to the back of her priorities. While I understand she doesn't have much money right now, I don't think I'm asking for too much. She even said last time we talked on the phone that she's thinking of pursing some job opportunity in Florida. FLORIDA?! That's about as far away from my home and my school as you can get in the continental US.
Another thing that's been on my mind is that I can't help but feel we have way different priorities in life. I mean, I don't want to sound condescending or anything like that, but our backgrounds are so different. She hasn't really found a career that she wants to stay in yet, she never graduated high school obviously hasn't been to college...I just don't know if she would really be happy being with me, someone who is going to be graduating from fucking Notre Dame with an Accounting degree and a gender studies minor. I mean, I bring up any of my gender studies stuff and she just says that she doesn't get that stuff. Just isn't her thing.
I was reading my letters from her today (from earlier this year, before I came over here) and they made me cry. She's said she thinks we're soulmates, and that if it were legal she'd want to marry me. She wants to settle down with me and have kids with me.
But there's a question that keeps running through my mind...
Will we really be happy together? Are we really a good match?
I want to believe that true love overcomes all odds, but I don't live in a fairytale. We're very very very different people in just about every way...and I just don't know what's going to happen. I don't know how I feel. I don't know how she feels. And at the most I talk to her, at the most, once every week or so for about 20-30 minutes, so I really hate to just spring all this on her without having the time to really discuss it.
Wow...okay...I didn't start out intending to write all that...but it just came out. It's been building in me for awhile. Props to anyone who's actually still reading at this point. And I think I'm off now to consider starting the 3000 word paper that's due monday morning.