It's one of those things, ya know, no matter how like a man a woman becomes, she is, and will always be a woman. I'm not saying this is a limitation at all, or that the differences between men and women are bad, I'll be the first person to admit that differences are a good thing.

It's not that you want to be with guys, I mean, you wouldn't be okay with who you were if that is what you wanted. Even it was unconscious (if there is such a thing as unconscious thought), you would be unhappy being with a woman, no matter how masculine she was (see above comment).

The answer to your question "so why aren't I attracted to the women that every red-blooded male seems to be after?" is simply that you are you. Being lesbians does not make us men, so why would we be attracted to the same kind of women that they are??

As you said, there is a big difference between eye-candy and emotional attachment. There is too much emphasis or importance placed on who we love instead of why we love.

"There are two kinds of people in this world; those who think there are two kinds of people and those that know better." Tom Robbins

This is the first time ever writing here, but I guess I never will if I don't jump in. When you first see someone, and you get that feeling "What would it be like to actually have a life with this person", you know that question that pops into your head before you even speak a word to them? Its hard to justify that the thought is brought on by any depth of knowledge about the person's personality. Most of us have been introduced to someone we 'had our eye on' only to find out they really aren't someone we'd like to be associated with. But have you noticed that no matter how attractive they are, once you believe they are NOT what you are looking for that physicall attraction just fades.

I was thinking the other day, Why cant I just get a girlfriend, it would make my mom happy, she'd stop buying me 'How to Change' DVDs from the internet. Even my supportive family members I know would show more support than I like to admit, but I guess the reason those thoughts don't last very long is beacause there are many types of attraction, and the priority in a happy relationship is emmotional attraction.

I loved my last boyfriend not because he was the hottest guy I could find, he actually cared for me. He loved me unconditionally and when we were together after work and if I was stressed about some customer or personal matter and I let it out on him he just took it, and gave nothing back but support. It took me a long time to realize I really loved him, ultimately too late, now he's giving someone else that support. It did leave me with a greater knowledge of what is 'emmotionally attractive' though.

I do belive there are many times of people, even gay people. Some people have the physical attraction as the priority, some emmotional, some spiritual, and others unexplainable :)

In a psych class at BSU my freshman year we were directed to take part in at least 2 studies by the grad students in the psych dept. One that I participated in was about measuring whats more important to a male and a female after infidelity in a relationship. It was assumed that men would be more upset about thier partner being physical with another male, and women would be more upset about the emmotional distress of thier partner sharing themselves with another woman. Well when I did that study I think that was the first time someone 'knew' I was gay, ha ha. I was so far on the previously exclusively female side of the study. But I'm not effeminate, most people take me for straight unless my aim is to imply otherwise, I like Nine Inch Nails and Cars.

I wonder if this means Im emmotionally attracted to other guys that would have been on the other end of that study though... maybe its balance that makes things work. Opposites attract.. but similarities bind.

So I guess I just wanted to say I know what you mean with your post. I think about it all the time. And it feels great to be with someone you know fits you, but maybe the question never goes away because some of us just have an innate need to know 'why'?

Jake
http://home.earthlink.net/~jacobekker (essay here with even more introverted ramblings on emmotional identity.)

I'm not attracted to girly girls realy, either. Some of the girly girls I know are just plane annoying when it comes to things like their looks. I guess, I just don't want to deal with that. Waiting hours and hours for them to get their hair just right before we can go out on our date. Viewing several outfits, before they find the right one...though I wouldn't mind watching my girl change ;) I also really hate that "damsel in distress" thing they sometimes do. Iwant a girl who is independent. That's what attracts me. Someone not afraid to just be themselves. My girl is not butch, but she's not real girly. She is completely fine with being seen in a pony tail and sweats. I guess, what I'm trying to say, is what are your feelings on the way they act? Maybe that is a turn off for you.

My other theory is, that even though me and my girl are both, well, girls, I don't want to be labeled the "guy" of our relationship. Maybe you attraction to butch girls is that you still want to feel like the girl in your relationship??? I dunno - I'm just pulling this all out of my ass, really. Sorry I'm not much of a help.