I came out to my mother January 2002. She freaked out, told me I didn't know what I was talking about and put me in counseling. After the fight we had when I quit going to counseling, w the subject of my sexuality did not come up again until now.
July 2004. And two and a half years later, I'm pleased to tell you (actually not so pleased), that my mother, has not changed in the slightest.
The conversation ended with her telling me "Julie, maybe you're afraid that you'll have a boyfriend some day" - she said it in this viscious accusatory and all-knowing voice - think "Girl Walking Backwards" when they accuse Skye of being afraid of men. I had to leave the room, because after 2 hours of hell argument resulting in this accusition, I had nothing to say... nothing that would affect my mother whatsoever.
Other featured parts of the big fight that was so not a discussion are as follows:
I tried to explain to my mother that our relationship really went downhill when she personally rejected me when I told her I'm a lesbian. My mother twisted my worlds and said "so Julie, what you're telling me is that because you and I have a bad relationship, you think you're gay?"
DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE THAT?!
Oh... it get's better... I brought up things she said to me when I came out to her about "life style choices" and her not believing me, and how she told me I didn't know what I was talking about, and she DENIED all of it. DENIED IT ALL. OH MY GOD! SERIOUSLY! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!
Then, it gets better, because she not only denied everything that happened, but she started making up things: "Julie, I've tried to talk to you about this a lot of times"
Well, none in my memory... in fact, from all I can tell, she's avoided the subject.
Also, "Julie, remember when you told me you weren't gay?"
WHAT THE FUCK?! OH MY GOD! THIS WOMAN IS ON CRACK! I NEVER NEVER NEVER I ASSURE YOU I NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT I WASN'T GAY, and I especially did NOT tell my mother that.
Basically I tried to explain to my mother why it is we have such a terrible relationship, and she twisted all of my words and used them against me. I tried to explain to her how I feel lik eI can't communicate with her because she has this obscure percetpion of me and just makesup things, and she responded by making up things and attacking me with them to the point where I couldn't even reasonably argue anymore, because it wasn't going anywhere, and I was starting to think I was crazy.
I can't even deal with this right now. In a way it's freeing, because it was finally brought up after so long, but then there's the eternal frustration of my mother just not getting it, and my having to live with her.
Probably the worst part out of all of this (if I can pick a worst part) is that my dad semi backed my mom up on some of these INSANE points, and he's always been the supporting one. Atleast, however, my little sister stood up for me and talked with me afterwards and listened to me rant. After I ran out of the room I left frantic half crying and seriously crazed messages on a number of answering machines. And I'm still basically in the mental state I was in when I was leaving messages:
how do I even deal with this?
The confrontation didn't help my mother and I to communicate / get along any better, quite the contrary, it strengthened the problems we already had - plus added incredible amunition to the fire. Whereas before I was finally getting over atleast a year of barely talking to my mother after a year of not talking to her at all, now after the "you're afraid of having a boyfriend someday" conversation, I don't even want to look at my mother's eyes.
And I told her that my problem with her is that whenever I talk to her I feel like sheisn't listening to me, she's just judging me and making up things that she believes are truths about me, and then that's exactly what she did.
How do I begin to deal with this? I really don't even know what to do.
I thought things might be getting a little better with my mother, but she's just as convinced and ready to crusade as ever. Unfortunately.
OH WAIT - I forgot one thing, sometime right after I tried to argue with my mother that I had never told her I wasn't gay, I said, "well I'm a lesbian NOW" and she responded by suggesting that I couldn't really know that I was a lesbian, and that I probably wasn't.
What the hell.
I mean seriously, WHAT THE HELL.