Where to start? Where am I going?
...I don't know, but here goes. This is Pride week in my city, Toronto. It's now Pride weekend. Today was the "Dyke March," tommorow is the big Pride Parade. In addition, there is a big street festival in the Gay Village, with live music, food (corn on the cob!), and more.
I went, because there was a band I wanted to check out (recommended by another local band I love). Also, I thought going to Pride would be a good idea. Of course, I go alone. It's hard enough to get any of my friends to go with me to a live music concert, but I think it would be downright impossible to get them to come to a Pride show! Plus, I don't think I would want one of my straight male friends to be following me all day. Also, the topic of my (homo? bi?)-sexuality would come up, and I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with that right now.
Does any of that sound mean or anything? I'm in a bit of a 'mood' right now. I might as well clear that up immediately. My friends are awesome people, and I'm very very lucky to have them. I'm just kind of "bleh" right now. I know that doesn't make for very exciting reading, but I need to do this.
I'd better just move on. I find the stage, and I get there early to see a couple of other musical performers. One was really good, and the other, in my humble opinion, wasn't so great (though he did do a spot-on song with its chorus of "Boyfriend, boyfriend/ Where are you?". He dedicated it to all the single people. Thanks, mate). So, I'm sitting on the ground all alone (emotionally, not physically. There were lots of people around). Let me say this-- being alone sucks, ESPECIALLY when you're surrounded by all these wonderful other people in their groups, laughing, joking, talking, etc. You really feel left out-- like a weird, friend-less interloper. I would love to yell "Hey! I have friends! They're just not here; I swear! Don't write me off as a loser!" Well, that's life, I guess. I smiled, though. I was happy to be there-- just being alone does suck.
The band I wanted to see played next, and they were awesome! I bought their CD and everything! So yes, I am happy I went. I got to chat with the lead singer, too-- a cool guy. BTW, I think they're all (or three out of four?) straight... or at least the lead singer is. He had a girl holding onto him before. But I digress.
I go see a show at the youth stage. Some neat people, both onstage and off. I'm not going into details, because this journal is getting long enough. And it's going to get longer. After I sat (alone, again) for awhile, I left, then came back when the current performer finished. That's when I had my first personal encounter-- more on that later. To summarize, I wandered around a bit, and then I left.
Now, I'm getting to the "point"-- or kind of. Basically, I'm always returning to the topic of my first Oasis journal entry: "Where to from here?" Damned if I know, half a year later! In some ways, my forary into the queer community has made me depressed. Yes, it was cool seeing for the first time in "real life" men holding hands with and kissing other men, and the same with women. But, it doesn't give me any direction... Man, I'm sounding flaky today! Am I making any sense here? I'd better just move on.
I think I was hit on a couple of times (which made my day!). The first one, to which I alluded earlier, was a Pride volunteer. At first, I thought he was a designated "go-out-into-the-crowd-and-cheer-up-people-who-seem-alone" volunteer. He said I was cute, and we started chatting. After a while, I figured out that he was hitting on me-- I'm very sure that's what was going on. I mean, he was asking me if I live in the city, what I was doing later, and telling me how he was going to go dancing later-- "Hopefully I'll cya there!" That's an invite, right?
Well, he seemed all right. I think he was older than me and, while not ugly, he's not my type in a few ways. I take personality very seriously, and it wasn't the type I like. Couple that with only sorta-average looks, and he's not the person for whom I'm looking. We shook hands, and I said "Take care!" How gracious of me.
Later, I was standing outside the seating area at a live music stage, leaning on one of those portable gate-thingies. I thought a guy at the table waved to me, but I looked away, thinking it was someone behind me. I looked around, 'nobody' there. I looked at him again, and he was waving to me! He looked like he was in his 30's... I don't know. Another young-ish guy at the table, but I smiled, declining.
That was about 90% of my experiences today. This journal is getting really really long, and I think I'm sounding kind of whiney and annoying. I'm going to cut it off now, leaving some of the other stuff, feelings included, for a later journal. Lots of important stuff will be there. Probably more important and interesting, even... Maybe in a few days... or just later tonight. I'm not sure. I'm just a bit tired of writing.
As always, comments are welcome! I've noticed that there's been a lot more chatter on the site recently; that's great!