would anyone like to help others and discuss SI, eating disorders or anything else that is harmful to the body? it would be appreciated since I do need a bit of advice... thatnks!
SI? self-injury? seems like that's more common than eating disorders these days. . . .of course, it seems like that, how many people are really gonna just roll up their sleeve for someone taking a survey? how many people are gonna amdit that they run to the bathroom so they can throw up after every meal? *sigh* sorry, rambling.
if you want anything more specific, i'll try.
I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.
many of the people on this site are not out with their sexuality yet, but they discuss it with others or publish it in their journals. I kind of wanted it to be like that, but I understand if people do not want to discuss it.
~*Kate*~Ban ignorance damn it!
my closest female friend is bulimic. that's really really hard to deal with. i myself go the SI route. not that it's a route worth taking mind you. there are better, safer ways to deal with pain, anger, shame than inflicting physical pain.
it's about control. self-esteem. not talking to others. i thought i was the only one who could understand what i was going through. i thought that in the end, no one is ever there for you except yourself. i thought i was being strong and "dealing" with my emotions, but i wasn't. they were being locked away until they erupted in tears and blood. it was satisfying, but emotionally painful. i love my body, but i hurt it like this?
i'm in a better place now. i'd say i've gotten professional help, but i haven't. i haven't cut in three years, mainly because it doesn't help anymore and i don't want to go back to that place. i should get outside help, but i don't feel like i need it...yet. (i'm all about desperation and last-minute decisions *wink*...and badly timed jokes)
(i'm back again!)
for me, cutting gives a few blissful moments of calm and quiet. . .and then, i lok down and i'm dripping blood from wherever and oops, now i'm back in reality, damn, i don't wanna be here. . . .
and then the people who care, the people wo want to understand, look at me funny when i scratch at a scab under layers of cloth, look at me funny if they happen to glimpse a scar, or maybe i'm paranoid?
it's no that i want pain. it's more, i need some way to control my life. things are so screwed up. i need that control, i need to feel like i have some say in SOMETHING. . . .this way, i do, and i don't have to burden anyone else with my issues by talking to them
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