First- Props to Adrian for his amazing work!

And now moving onto il succo.

I never thought that I would be placed in a situation in which I did not {understand, have control}. One reads about such situations, but one- i.e., moi- is never in such a situation as such. Alas, however, ecco mi! John and I have always been friends. But never good friends. But somehow I seem to find myself in his presence, and he in mine; as such we have ben spending much more time together including him inviting me into his elite circle of friends. Suddenly last night, I became aware of the (sexual) tension between us.

'Twas a normal 1:23 am run to the local grocery store, when the whipping wind, and noiseless roads spoke the tension that dare not speak its name. Such awkwardness I am not used to, and do not know how to deal with. I clearly can sense that he would like to be with me- in whatever operation sein plays here. But do I wish to be with him?

'Tis not just my inflated ego imposing these principles. Nay! many a friend has asked if we "together". [I despise such childish tomfoolering of the English lingo]. I am unsure if he has been asked. Doubtless yes. When we arrive together to parties and then leave, one with any social skills, cannot help but make certain assumptions.

But where does that leaveth me? As many no doubt faithful oasis readers of ol' shall easily remember, I avoid drama. I avoid conflict. I avoid because I despise. I avoid because I am inept. I cannot deal with the mundane. With social normalcy of relationships.

I have said many times that I would like a boyfriend. Upon reflection, I could not imagine having one. I think Stephen D. puts it the best I fear those big words which make us so unhappy. People. Relationship. Love. &c...

Well undoubtedly I shall change. The question is not when or how, but rather into what shall I become. and why? always why? warum? perchè?

mhr,
(c)