Ladies, Gentlemen, boys, girls, and yet undiscovered genders:

One year ago I broached the issue of this mysterious conception "pride" through an analytical study of social iterations vis-à-vis Durkheim and Bourdieu. However, now I return unto you, to advance this concept of "pride" through the eyes of analytical-logic, through existentials, and through the very question of being.

One year ago I thought pride to be this mysterious notion of collective homogeneity. It was solely a social phenomenon, and as such could only be examined apart from the self, via the complexities of society as such. I was so adamant on being an individual that I mapped all action, all thoughts, all beliefs &c. onto this external creature which I dubbed, or rather calls itself, society.

Thus I concluded, that the only way to be human- to be free- was to spite society. Any and all society. Which meant- inaction. cf. Notes from the Underground.

One year ago I was a douchebag.

Built into my very argument was the hypothesis that the individual is incapable of action qua action, but rather could only act qua inaction. Such a contradiction allowed me to raise to my ivory tower of self-inflated righteousness.

This tower has been destroyed. But now at last the philosophical mechanisms which at one and the same time aided and supported this vile structure of my human will, have been destroyed.

Pride- this feeling of self- can not be expressed through society, unless it is at first expressed through the self. Thus before having pride qua gay pride you must first have pride qua self pride.

You must love yourself.

Such an axiom, however, ignores the inherent complexities that lay dormant in the subtext of the individual.

***
Pride is not about going to a gay rally. It is not about shouting at the top of your lungs at homophobic people. It is not about wearing a large rainbow flag. It is not about joining the ACLU and HRC and any other gay organization.

Yes pride entails that, but that is not what pride is.

Pride is the ability to go to the gay rally. It is having the ability to shout at the top of your lungs at homophobic people. It is about possessing the ability to wear a rainbow flag. It is about having the courage to join the ACLU and HRC.

***
Pride- at least, what this creature is for me- is waking up in the morning and realizing that I am. That I am me. That I am gay. That I am any number of things.

Pride is believing in yourself. Pride is having the courage to say yes. The courage to say no. The courage to tell the truth.

***
But only when it is capitulated in an individual does it actualize itself through the masses of society.

Now that I understand this phenomenon in-me, I can begin to express it to-them.

***
This journey that I took is not over, for it has barely begun. I have left the forrest of my mind, and I now set sails for ..... {illium?}

Everyone can make this journey of self-discovery, but no one else can make it for you. It is only your I who can make this trip.

tschüs,
(c)