So I went to another party. And then another. And yes I have changed. And yes life is better. But where do I stand? What is this earth, this land?
I have come to some conclusions re myself.
1) I am evil to...
2) I am analytical of...
3) I am a listener to...
4) I am (still) afraid of...
5) I stand in a shadow of....
1) to people who like me. To people who want to be my friends. To people who want to be my lovers. I break them. I hate them. I want them. I deny them. I am evil to them.
2) of people. I sit- a bug on the wall- I formulate. I relate. I read. I think. I watch. I write. I am analytical of all.
3) to people. I sit and I watch them. I sit by them and listen. I listen to problems. I listen to lies. I listen to truth. I listen to all. But I do not let them listen to me.
4) of so many things. Of touching. Of feelings. Of drama. Of life.
5) in the shadow of what once was. I sit and I stare. I move and the sun moves with me. I am constantly in the shadows of my past. But the sun is rising soon. One day I shall be in the sun. I move to find the light. Fruitless yet fun. And yet must any fruit be borne? Must any life be lived- must any life be shook?
Where now am I? To whom do I look? I have come so far- but I ran ahead, and now I no not where I should turn. I should have been here years ago. I am caught between the (devil and the deep blue see) my past and my future. The now (nothing) is where I live. But I keep advancing. One day.
I run. Pitter patter across the sea.
Pitter patter go my feet.
One day I shall be free.