Britney Spears and her hometown hubby got a quickie wedding in Las Vegas
at 5 a.m. and later call it all a big joke. Well the jokes on us.
By Liz Morrison
AWHILE BACK, BRITNEY Spears, Ms. Not-That-Innocent (or intelligent),
stirred up a little maybe I'm bi controversy on the MTV Video Music Awards
by enjoying a choreographed, tongue-in-cheek lip lock with Madonna.
The media went nuts. The infamous kiss played over and over on every
newscast and entertainment related show for weeks.
Big deal. Madonnas kissed lots of girls. Some even with brains. And a few
are real lesbians, too.
So why must Britney, no stranger to the paparazzi, swap spit with another
woman to get attention? Can't she think of any other way to get her skanky
yet ubiquitous persona in the news?
Well apparently she can. That 20-something, air for brains, virgin turned
vamp, pop icon dragged one of her hayseed homeboys to the Little White
Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas at 5 a.m. to get hitched.
We learned from the many sources that covered this compelling story that
she and down home hubby Jason have been friends since kindergarten. And
now they're reliving those days.
NOBODY ASKED THEM what their intentions were. Nobody cared that this was
just an immature prank conducted by someone with way too much money,
someone who will do just about anything to get on the cover of People
All the happy couple needed was a marriage license which, apparently, is
easily obtained at 4 a.m. in Las Vegas, and the Little White Wedding
Chapel was more than accommodating, pronouncing them husband and wife in a
hung over, pre-dawn ceremony that took low class to a fresh, new abyss.
I was particularly impressed with the spiritual aspects of the nuptials. A
limo driver from the Palms Casino walked Brit down the aisle. And her
wedding attire was to die for. Torn jeans and a ball cap.
I'm sure that outfit will grace the cover of many bridal magazines this
spring. Maybe they actually got married at the Little White Trash Wedding
SO LET ME get this, uh, straight: Britney can grab any guy, go to a cheesy
wedding place, which incidentally offers drive-thru service, get hitched
in a ceremony reminiscent of a drunken trip to 7-Eleven, and immediately
gain more than 1,000 legal rights as a married person, even if shell never
use any of them.
It'll take more than a Big Gulp and a bag of Cheetos to digest that
insult. And what makes the whole thing so incredibly ludicrous is that
they got the marriage annulled a mere 55 hours later. Fifty-five hours of
a prank marriage, and we can't marry legally for 55 seconds.
So, all you right wing, holier than thou, Bible-thumping zealots, hows
that for preserving the sanctity of marriage? Why hasn't the world, as we
know it, come to an end when a heterosexual couple makes a mockery of this
God had absolutely nothing to do with these classy nuptials. Neither did
Bridal Brits handlers or this never would have happened.
My partner and I have been together six years. We own our home, and we are
about as married as we can be. We cover each other with every shred of
But domestic partnership falls short of the rights we really need because,
as we queers know all too well, only legally married couples are totally
For 55 hours, Britney Spears and her buddy/husband Jason were legally
protected as a couple by state and federal laws, regardless of the
circumstances under which they got married.
What happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas. Now I know why.