Sooo, if you remember my 6/30 entry you remember Zach.
And my solemn swear to forver avoid men. Well, it
didn't really work out. I've been trying to mend
what happened with Zach because he is my friend..
I trust him. He was the first guy I trusted after
almost being raped by my best friend. That says alot.
We've been talking and I'm beginning to realize, i never
was angry with him. I was confused and hurt. But he was
scared. He's never had a gf, he took a family friend to
semi-formal. At school he plays football, but he isn't a jock,
he's pretty much an outcast. Well, anyways, I've been trying
to mend the damage and I've realized how much I miss him,
how much I miss having someone like him to hold me
who I can trust, who knows me, everything about me.
So, on Sunday we had play practice and I was up in the blacony
waiting for my part and he came up and sat with me.
I leaned on him, it was really cold, the church wasn't warmed up yet. He reached over and took my hand, it surprised me a little because he has been avoiding me since June, which is why I've been trying to talk to him. I let him. Then a little later he put his arm around me. Thats a big move, a little more effort than opening your hand.
It seems kinda sick that I let him, after what he did. But I know he would never intentionally hurt me mentally, and he would never ever touch me physically in any way I didn't ok first. I know t. doesn't like him, she may even hate him. I want her to give him a chance because he means alot to me, my whole youth group means alot to me. She hardly knows him, all she has heard about him. I dunno, it means alot to me for people close to me to get along. I can't understand how she feels about him. He is a good guy and I wish she would give him a chance.
So, yeah, I'm slightly confused, pretty happy, and realizing how much I miss him. I kissed him. I may not be able to comprehend guys below the belt, and don't want to, but that kiss was amazing. I know he missed me just as much as I am realizing I missed him.
(Sorry to be writing about a guy, everybody, but hey, you get hear more "Dragon is sooo confused about whether she is bi or lesbian... haha...the whole concept of dicks is soooo disgusting... but kissing guys is fine, it turns me on... I dunno.)