Im putting a queer-centric poem in the highschool literary magezine, and need some advice on it. I really want it to be spotless so there's less for people to pick at and they can focus on the message I'm trying to get across. So yeah, if anyone can give me any adviceI'd be greatful! ^_^
Also, I need it kinda soon cause I think the deadline is this week.
Open mouth, insert foot
thats what I'm thinking
when that word slips past your lips
made ugly by your tone.
You look around in confusion
as everybody stares at you
wondering if you'll catch on
what I'll say.
and I guess I've never been
one to disapoint,
because I dig out my most casual grin
as my stomach churns
in reaction to the fear I feel.
Fear of how you'll react,
will you say something, or even worse
jsut give me that look?
Will you hate me, fear me even?
Will I lose another friend?
"Hey, find a better adjective please."
I request simply,
trying not to come off as uptight.
You look at me in confusion,
and then realization.
A quick apology, and then you leave
as fast as you came.
A friend makes an understandign face,
and I smile back appreciatively, try to brush it off
"yeah, so how about them Red Sox?"
A quick laugh, and everyone moves on,
I can move on, but I can't forget,
need to be ready
for the next time I smile as we pass
and you look away fast
so not to meet my eyes.
Yeah, thats gay alright.
My main worry is that it isn't obvious enough for straight people for whom abuse of the word gay isn't an issue. Besides that, grammar, puncuation, (usually I don't use it, but I liked it here) flow, ect. ect.
thanks a bunch!!