Hello Everyone,
I havn't written anything on here in months, not since last May I think. I'm not sure why I stopped writting here, I think I thought I had moved on, but here I am again. Maybe it is all the changes recently in my life that has brought me back here, I think I just need a place to speak where people actually listen and won't just blow me off, and for the most part this is the perfect place for that!
So a lot has changed since last May. Summer came and went way to quickly. I started High School(I know I'm just a wee one). So here I am, 2 weeks away from finals, first term of Freshman year alomost over and with all this change I just feel so lost. I love my school it isn't the most accepting place, but it is a hella party 24/7, so it is fun and I have some awsome new friends. I'm not really out to people, just becasue I feel it has the potential to fuck up a very good situation. I don't feel the need to tell people like I did at my old school where EVERYONE knew about my love for girls. There is a GSA at my High School, but I'm not in it. It would be cool if i was, but I don't know I would just feel weird going to their meetings. Last year I used to always talk about how cool it is going to be when I'm in HS and be in the GSA and all that fun shit, but now that I am in HS I just don't have the time or energy to be involved with that part of my self, that probably makes no sense! I guess since people at my HS don't know my past, that I don't have to deal with my sexuality I just deny its exsistance. I don't feel uncomfortable when people are talking about thier boyfriends, I just don't say anything. There are a couple people at school who know, and there are cool with it, but like I don't bring it up with them or anything, i just feel weird about it all now, and I hate myself for that. We had an assembly about LGBTQ kinda things that the GSA organized, I live in San Francisco so i mean it is a given we are gonna have these type of things, my old school celebrated Coming out day! One part during the assembly one of my teachers went up on stage and pretty much came out it was awsome. Then another teacher came up talking about how he had hated HS and all this stuff and he started talking to everyone saying like i know there are some of you questioning your sexuality and shit like that and he was saying things like it will get better, you can make it through this and he had tears in his eyes. After that i was so emotional and shaken up i almost just ditched school and went home to cry, but i didn't and just pretened that the assembly menat nothing to me. I have no idea why I am writing this, but I feels nice to write here again!
I'm really sorry if this Blog doesn't make any sense I tend not to make a lot of sense, hehe. Hope to be seeing everyone a lot more!
~Tophie