All right this may take me awhile, but first off, I am a Unitarian Universalist and this week I attended a worldwide General Assembly held in Boston and there were over 12,000 UU's there and if you knew the size of my congregation, you would be pretty damn excited too! But, onwards, first YAY FOR THE VOTE IN TEXAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We all cheered about that at the service that morning, it was awesome. In the youth rooms you would look around and see two guys, two girls, bunches of guys, bunches of girls, one of each, bunches of each. IT DIDN'T matter!! You could be ANYTHING and still be accepted, I love UUs. Next, the more ansty of all I have to say. Yeah, Zach the kid in my youth group, he kinda ruined the weekend for me... We got there things were just ducky, he was being sweet, kind, holding my hand, taking me into corners to just give one of those little quick kisses and I was thinking, okay, so maybe he does like me, now that adults aren't around he's being more normal... Well, then later that afternoon he went off to his room with another girl... Yeah. You can put two and two together. So, later I asked him to come for a walk so I could talk to him. So I asked him if he'd been playing with my heart and he thought a moment and responded that yeah, he kinda was. I asked him why, and after some prodding I got that he didn't want to hurt me. I responded that taking this far then dropping it hurt just a little bit more and he admitted he screwed up. All right, this isn't that big a deal, I'm not in love with the kid, but there is one thing that bothers me to no end. Why would he take me into a closet and kiss me, why would he say yes when I asked him out on a date, why would he IM me to talk when neither of us really had anything to say, why would he bother to call me, why would he bother to reach for my hand, or find an excuse to get both of us away from prying eyes into a more private place. That isn't just leading on, that is initiating, not following my lead, and many of the things he did were his own free choice and if he didn't care then why would he bother? That's my rant, but honestly, it doesn't make sense and no matter how hard I think on it, I can't find an answer that fits.
A little poem I wrote for him, lol:
Screw You
For everthing you do
for messing with my mind
for breaking my heart in two
not because I loved you
that was never true
but you lied
dammit you lied to me
Why
What does lying solve
it only makes the ache go deeper
You say you wanted not to break my hear
well guess what
you did
So screw you
I don't care
I'm past you, I've moved on
It doesn't hurt much
in fact it doesn't at all
I'm only angry
hurt
and confused
because you messed with my mind
and tried to break my heart
but I am stronger than you
so guess what
thank you
because now I'm free
free to move on
free to get away from you.

I think I should stick with women, that is what I was telling my ex, Ilana.