Well then , for those uninformed , the topic is the lyrics for what has been my 'anthem' for the last 18 months, you can hear a sample here (real audio.) .. i _refuse_ to support windows media anything. It features prominently on the Nick Warren disc on Renaissance: Revelation , which is very very very high on my list of top progressive house mixes of 2001.
Anyway, i have made a return to my party daemon self as of late. Being clean/sober/responsible is great and all .. but it isnt the greatest way to meet people, and I just got bored of staying at home on weekends. Which doesnt mean i am above curling up with a good book on weekends either.. So i guess my life is currently in a phase where i am finding it difficult to balance the different sides of my personality. I am honestly getting tired of my current state of mind, it's like I can't find the comfortable middle ground between being an extrovert and a hermit. When I am alone, I miss the people I love, when I am around those I love.. i just want to be alone. When i am in a crowd of people at a party , i get tired of all the people farfarfar too quickly. It's weird.
Emotionally , I am not really in the right state of mind to be involved with anyone right now, and it's not because of external / internal influences like before ( I went through a period where I realized that I just wasnt ready for a relationship ) , now.. i am just plain oblivious to the idea of having a boyfriend. While I'm lonely .. and when i'm not lonely , I wish i were. A large part of my problem is because I have not been getting a hell of a lot of human contact in the last few weeks I think. I have been watching a five-storey mansion for someone , and I have been inhabiting this huge labyrinth of a house all by my lonesome, which on the surface doesnt bother me that much .. i quite like the freedom of being able to walk around naked the whole time , do what I want when I want (pump music loud at 3 am in the morning).. but I miss other beings in my immediate field of perception. I miss sleeping with my cat , i miss talking shit with my housemates, i miss dinners with friends, i miss having to be concerned about oters and in turn having them be concerned about me.
My mind has become like a sieve for media in the last few weeks though. I have finished several novels, watched a lot of buffy the vampire slayer , started watching the children of dune mini-series .. watched many many movies , and also played a lot of arcade games. (marvel vs capcom still kicks ass). Also , i occasionally watch some *shock horror* television , which is very unlike me. Here are some things on my to-read/hava just read pile.
Among other things you can bet your ass is on my read list is Asimov's Foundation trilogy , Ender's Game and the new harry potter book when it's out. Along with about 400 comic books i have recently downloaded.. ( I am working on collecting all the x-men comics. EVER. this is 40 years of comics, and it might take me up to 7 years to download/read them all.. but i am shockingly completist when it comes to this kinda thing.) .. I also have a lot of the spin off mini-series of sandman , and a large part of the monthly Lucifer Series, aswell as the entire run of The Dreaming. And a lot of spider-man / hellblazer comics. Still want to finish reading Transmetropolitan , the invisibles .. and tank girl =P