Well then , for those uninformed , the topic is the lyrics for what has been my 'anthem' for the last 18 months, you can hear a sample here (real audio.) .. i _refuse_ to support windows media anything. It features prominently on the Nick Warren disc on Renaissance: Revelation , which is very very very high on my list of top progressive house mixes of 2001.

Anyway, i have made a return to my party daemon self as of late. Being clean/sober/responsible is great and all .. but it isnt the greatest way to meet people, and I just got bored of staying at home on weekends. Which doesnt mean i am above curling up with a good book on weekends either.. So i guess my life is currently in a phase where i am finding it difficult to balance the different sides of my personality. I am honestly getting tired of my current state of mind, it's like I can't find the comfortable middle ground between being an extrovert and a hermit. When I am alone, I miss the people I love, when I am around those I love.. i just want to be alone. When i am in a crowd of people at a party , i get tired of all the people farfarfar too quickly. It's weird.

Emotionally , I am not really in the right state of mind to be involved with anyone right now, and it's not because of external / internal influences like before ( I went through a period where I realized that I just wasnt ready for a relationship ) , now.. i am just plain oblivious to the idea of having a boyfriend. While I'm lonely .. and when i'm not lonely , I wish i were. A large part of my problem is because I have not been getting a hell of a lot of human contact in the last few weeks I think. I have been watching a five-storey mansion for someone , and I have been inhabiting this huge labyrinth of a house all by my lonesome, which on the surface doesnt bother me that much .. i quite like the freedom of being able to walk around naked the whole time , do what I want when I want (pump music loud at 3 am in the morning).. but I miss other beings in my immediate field of perception. I miss sleeping with my cat , i miss talking shit with my housemates, i miss dinners with friends, i miss having to be concerned about oters and in turn having them be concerned about me.

My mind has become like a sieve for media in the last few weeks though. I have finished several novels, watched a lot of buffy the vampire slayer , started watching the children of dune mini-series .. watched many many movies , and also played a lot of arcade games. (marvel vs capcom still kicks ass). Also , i occasionally watch some *shock horror* television , which is very unlike me. Here are some things on my to-read/hava just read pile.

Books :

• Stephen King/Peter Straub : The Talisman - which i read and loved as a kid
• Stephen King/Peter Straub : Black House - The sequel to the Talisman , written 20 years later. Very definately one of the best horror/fantasy novels i have ever read. Remarkably Macabre, with great memorable characters
• Neil Gaiman : Stardust - A wonderfull wonderfull faery tale, written with neil's always magical view of myth and wonder. lovely story. a must read.
• Neil Gaiman : American Gods - Very rewarding novel by someone who is now one of my top 3 authors of all time. It won the Nebula prize for best fantasy fiction novel of 2002. Well deserved.
• Greg Bear : Eon - Bear is one of those hard sci-fi writers you hear about so often, and I finally managed to track down this work I had heard so much of. It's so so so worth it.. bear's genius is that his sci-fi is built on the concievable, but taken to the extremes of imagination. magic.
• Greg Bear : Eternity - Sequel to Eon, expands on the parallel universes hinted at in the first book. Can't wait to read it.
• Frank Herbert : Dune - I am busy with this seminal work as we speak. I felt I owed it to myself to catch up with classic sci-fi , which I don't have anywhere near enough exposure to.
• Neal Stephenson : Diamond Age - Nano - tech , revolutions , education... wow. really really awesome neal stephenson effort , another one of my favorite authors. Love him to bits. A must read..
• Neal Stephenson : Snow Crash - The best cyberpunk book ever written. Totally dystopian future where the virtual reality internet (metaverse) has seeped into every part of our lives. Mind virusses and sumerian mythology and virtual avatars in high intensity sword battles. It's enough to make a grown geek cry.
• Neal Stephenson : Cryptonomicon - A sweeping epic about encryption , secrets and war. Set in 1930's during the second world war and in 1999 during the tech boom. One of the supporting characters is Dr Alan Turing , the father of modern computing .. and a gay man chemically castrated by the british government for having sex with a 19 year old (this was after the war). It's a technological thriller set across generations with a historical edge that makes the whole book even more real. I should mention .. the first prequel (Quicksilver) is coming out next month. Can't wait

Among other things you can bet your ass is on my read list is Asimov's Foundation trilogy , Ender's Game and the new harry potter book when it's out. Along with about 400 comic books i have recently downloaded.. ( I am working on collecting all the x-men comics. EVER. this is 40 years of comics, and it might take me up to 7 years to download/read them all.. but i am shockingly completist when it comes to this kinda thing.) .. I also have a lot of the spin off mini-series of sandman , and a large part of the monthly Lucifer Series, aswell as the entire run of The Dreaming. And a lot of spider-man / hellblazer comics. Still want to finish reading Transmetropolitan , the invisibles .. and tank girl =P