Well .. this past weekend I turned another year older, not too sure if I turned wiser however. My attitude to life, the universe and everything has changed a lot. The answer (42) notwithstanding , it is the question that drives us. (wow .. references to both the hitchiker's guide and the matrix in a single sentence... bow to my pop-culturisms).
Now.. there are a number of truths I have observed, there are a number of theories that have been shattered, there are lessons learnt , battles lost and won .... and a lot of space where something should have been but wasn't. Habits have changed , but friends have remained constant. I guess what I have learned through the last year, is that life is a mix of good and bad, and that you can't really expect things to always go your way , hence a certain amount of planning is neccesary.
I have slowed down my once overpowering social life, i have leashed my once intensely self-destructive urge to overwork myself. I have learnt to stand up for my self, and to realize that my sense of self-worth is more of a treasure than the silly material prizes that utter greed can muster.
I have learnt , that while I yearn for companionship... I can live without it. I have cottoned onto the fact that I have very high standards in a mate , and that intelligence is more important than sex appeal or a big cock. I have realized that my impossibly high standards might lead to me living along for a large portion , if not all of my life. I have come to grips with this , and no longer fool myself into thinking every glance means desire and every kiss means love.
I am much better off for this...
My thoughts have changed, my priorities have changed, my desires have changed. My skills have grown , my sense of responsibility has grown, my sense of compassion has expanded to fit more people than I thought would be possible.
I have, in the last year, outgrown the last of what made me a boy , and become a man. The future is no longer a scary inexplicable place where my dreams dissapear into, I am more than the sum of my parts. I have far exceded everyone's expectations of me, all but my own.
(to be continued later)