Of course I'm talking about nothing other than the Hat and how it has changed my life.
Yesterday, I went to the gay cafe that I now frequent, and the cute little waitress boy was my waitress again. I've had this feeling that he's just one of those REALLY sweet straight boys (you know, the kind that break your heart), so I wanted to see if I could decide either way if he was.
I was sitting there, and after he took my order, I just sat there and waited for my food (like normal people do). He came back and he brought me the newspaper and said, "You look so bored sitting there, I thought I'd bring this for you to read."
Yay! Can you SEE me grinning all the way from here?!
I read the paper, and my food came out. I was eating, and when he came back to check on me, I asked, "So, what's your name, by the way?" And he was quick to respond. We introduced ourselves to each other (he used the long form of his name, instead of a nickname like most straight people with that name would use--hrmmm, I'm sure it's spelled really gay, too), and had a nice chat for a couple minutes. He goes to my same school (poor kid, as sweet and cute as he is, he's taking a bonehead math class--had I been thinking with the correct head, I would have offered to tutor him, as I've tutored math before).
After we were done chatting, I paid my bill (and as per usual for cute waitress boys, I left a rather large tip), and left.
I also (after telling myself I'd NEVER do it again) went to the all-ages club here in Portland after work. Actually, I decided to take a little walk down the gay section of Portland, and I walked by all the bars, the places where they have naked dancing boys, and of course, the bathhouse.
When I was through walking around, I decided to take a little detour and just walk through random parts of downtown. Needless to say, I had on my hat.
Then, while I was walking, it occurred to me that I should go down to the club and see what was going on. I wasn't sure if I was going to go in, though. The closer I got to the club, the more I was thinking that I wasn't going to go in.
But then, I saw him.
A few years ago, I went to this music camp. It was actually a pretty big one, and it was divided into three sections: strings, vocalists, and the big bands. I was in the top big band playing lead, so that was nice. People noticed me and stuff. This was also the very incident that caused me to accept who I was, and during this whole camp, and I was starting to get more and more comfortable with the fact that I liked boys.
One of the vocalists and I, at the very end of the camp started talking. Never was the word gay mentioned or anything like that, we were just getting to know each other. We exchanged addresses and we left for home (we lived about 6 hours away).
We talked on the phone a few times, and he wrote me a letter. I can honestly say it was the first love letter that I ever got. He said that I was one of the hottest boys at the camp (which shows he doesn't have good taste *lol*), and he went on to describe, rather graphically, I might add, all the things that he would like to do with me.
We talked more, and we decided we wanted a long distance relationship (for fuck's sake, I was only 15 and he was 13!!! What on Earth were we thinking?!?!). So we tried it out. I can't remember, but I think it only lasted a few weeks. I ended up making him cry and making him hate me because I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore, but we eventually talked it over, and left no (somewhat) good terms. I hadn't corresponded with him in any way for the next 4 years.
Until last night.
I was right at the entrance to the club, and I said, "Nah, I'd better not go in," when I saw a cute boy and some chick walking past me. It was him! I called out his name, and he looked around for where the voice came from, and our eyes met for the first time in 4 years. In the period of about 3 seconds, his look changed from, "Who the hell are you?" to "Oh my God! I haven't seen you in forever!"
He was still as beautiful as he'd always been, even moreso. We hugged, and we talked for a bit. There was some drama going on prior to my arrival, because his lady friend was very impatient, like they had someone to go talk to or something. He asked if I was going to go in, and I said that I probably wasn't going to, and he said, "Oh sure you are! Come on in."
Cool, I thought. This might not be a bad night after all.
He went in before me (he'd already paid), and it took me a little while to find him. They were having this show there that night (which, from what I gather, they often do), so the dance floor was turned into a makeshift stage.
When I found him, I tried to get his attention. He looked at me, and then looked away. This was how it was going to be then, eh? That was fine by me. I stayed right where I was (luckily, I had on the Hat for confidence), and leaned myself right up against the pillar and enjoyed the show.
I was there only about 20 minutes, when I said to myself, "You know, I really don't need this." All these very pretty boys around me, all of them into their own thing...me, in my black slacks and white shirt (I hadn't changed my work uniform) and my fabulous hat and jacket...it just wasn't a match made in heaven, that's for sure. Never one to be rude and walk out during a performance, I waited for one of the (pretty) boys to finish his act, and then I very gracefully exited.
Since I was pretty wound up and pissed off about what had happened, I went to this 24 hr. coffee shop right next to my house (but it's not the gay cafe I mentioned earlier). I ordered something to drink, and I drank it and read a periodical. Soon, I got a text message from my friend who lives in the same complex as I do telling me to call him. So I did. Turns out he was bored, as well. I tell him to come up to my apartment, and that I'll be there soon.
I got into the apartment, and soon he came up. We talked about what had happened, he checked his E-Mail, and I started falling asleep on the couch. He came over and we cuddled on the couch for a little while, and he said that he was going to let me get some sleep, and so he left.
I got up 8 hours later at 11:30 a.m., and here we are! It's a wonderful day in the greater Portland-Metro area, and I'm planning on enjoying it. Tomorrow I start school back up again, so you'll probably be hearing complaints before too long.
You kids behave yourselves, and comments are always welcome! Take care.