Straight people annoy me. No one should have to be straight. It just isn't fair. That and taken people who still flirt enough to give you a seblance of hope. gar.... Its uber bothersome. Theres this girl at school, and shes beautiful, and nice, and yeah.... and apparently straight. Its all so futile. And this guy at school who I've known forever and is cute and nice and a sweety and flirts way to much but is dating a good friend of mine, and they obviously care about each other a lot... and now I sound like a stupid teenager, which I am, but I don't really act/think like one much, so Its icky. At least, thats what I think. *sigh*
And grades suck. Im failing three or four classes. One because Im a lazy math challenged bum who deserves it, one because Im not used to studying vocab and am just getting used to it (hopefully I pass the test we had today though. I studied a lot. Cross your fingers and toes!), another because I missed oodles of work during my accident and the repair work after, and sick days and my teacher has this problem about saying he'll stay after or be there early to make it up, but no such luck. The other is just laziness doing homwork mostly on my part, althought I did really good on a few tests, so maybe i'll do better than I origionally suspected. hmmm... that would be good.
The chances are getting increasingly better that mom will move me to a different school next year. she refuses to hear anything bad about it, so it should be an interesting ride, anyway. Given from the sound of it the acedemics and teachers there are exellent, but Dragon and a friend say its even worse than here (a near impossible feat, although compared to inner-city schools, I guess its not that bad) and Im going to have our parents talk. I kinda wish it was everything mom thinks it is though. I don't want to leave my friends, expecially the writing club lot, but I really want a new start. somewhere fresh and positive. Im so tired and sick of this school, it drives all the bad things in me to the surface. Given its partly my own fault for haveing little to no motivation, but how do I help that?! honestly, what can I do to up my motivation? Stupid ADD learning diability escapism tendancies.... *growls* Thats the problem with being inclined to phyco-anyllising things; I know most of whats wrong, so I ought to be able to fix it, but I on't know how. gararar....
I think if I do go to another school next year, Im going to talk to the girl I mentioned before I leave. Tell her how I feel. I mean, it can't hurt, and it might help. People are always telling me to take risks....

Yours,
~Beryl (whos leaving feeling much better and more positive than she came, which is the way it should be. Thanks guys!)