*deep breath* I need life to start working again. I think I broke it. But for now, I am going to focus on the good things in life.

For the first time in a long time I could ride my horse and take her out. That was really awesome and I am so glad she is getting well (she had a really big accident) I hope that her owner doesn't take her away though, I have her on free lease for this year, but hopefully I'll get to keep her.

Slightly negative and positive, I worked on my novel for the first time in a few months, well, the sequel that is. I've kinda stopped editing the first book, I got annoyed at how bad it was. On the negative side, I haven't been able to write anything but poetry since January. All my short stories and novels are just at halts, anything I write ends up being romantic garbage. I never used to write like that. I didn't have romances I had plots and amazing characters... I don't know what happened now.

I told Matt about my arms, and about trying to commit suicide. He was so amazingly supportive, though hurt that I was in that much pain. I also found out something that I never thought I'd hear. He tried the same thing last year, and is on meds now. We talked for awhile, it was awesome. I really am in love. I do like Zach, but not in the same way, he is just someone here that I can hold... I want to just run away with Matt and never come back... Hells, how can I be saying that about a GUY... wow, things really do change.

Maybe things will shape up, spring is supposed to do that... I've grown apart from too many people and made too many mistakes. I need to just start over for now. But that is what spring is all about. New Beginnings.