Advice, Anyone??
Aarrgh... Here's the deal. I came home last Friday for spring break. I'll be leaving next Sunday. There's a very good chance that I'll be on the Standing Committee for Gay and Lesbian Student Needs next school year. If this happens, I'll be out to everyone at school. I want to be able to share with my mom the news I get over whether or not I get accepted for the committee, but to do that, I obviously have to come out to her. This isn't something that I want to keep having to hide. Before coming home, I decided that I was definitely going to come out to my mom while home.
Well, I'm home, and it's just not happening. Every time I even thing about telling my mom that I need to talk to her, I freeze up, and my stomach hurts. I'm going CRAZY over this!!! I really do want to come out to my mom, but I have no idea how to do this. I know that the easiest way would just be to find what little guts I have and just tell her, but that doesn't seem to be happening.
Here's a list of possiblities I can think of...
1)Leave my mom a note that I want to talk to her. I've had success with this method in the past both in coming out to my roommate and my RA.
2)Somehow find the guts to tell my mom that I need to talk to her, after dinner perhaps) Feels a bit unlikely at the moment, but not entirely out of the question.
3)Wait until I get back to school and write her a nice long letter, and see what she says when we talk on the phone the next Tuesday (our phone-call night). I haven't come out to anyone this way... (unless you count the time i came out to someone through email). This definitely has it's plus-es, but I'm afraid it's...how do I put this...inadequate.
Anyways, I know, when push comes to shove, what happens is ultimately my decision, but in the meantime, does anyone have any advice or suggestions??? I'm at the end of my rope here, and I know many of you have been in a similar situation before. I basically have 5 days before I go home. *sigh*
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Comments
Not #3
definitely 1 or 2.
3 is the cop out, and I know you think this is the hard thing for you, but 1 and 2 are best for your mom. And you are coming out for the betterment of your relationship with her. She will have questions, and deserves the face time to talk to you about this afterward. Plus, it will give her time to absorb it while you are still there and being the same daughter you always were, as opposed to off being that new lesbian at the far-away college with all those students she doesn't know on the other end of the phone.
Personally, I think the direct heart to heart is the best way, both because it forces you to do something monumental, and because it avoids what could be perceived as shame, in that you can't face her to tell her this truth about yourself, so it's in a letter.
Obviously, if you're running out of time, do the letter thing over the phone thing. But, her first impulse may be to want time to herself to absorb this, so i would do it sooner rather than later, despite the impulse to drop the bomb and then head back to school while se deals with it on her own.
Jeff
hmmm.
While my initial coming-out (or being pushed out of the closet) was in person, my mother and I have only been able to talk on the phone since. This is something I deeply regret. It's fucking scary, yes, but do it in person. Personally, I think you'll feel the best if you do number 1. (I know that's what I would choose.)
Hugs, good luck, and please tell us what happens. I think it'll be fine.
~Linds
-----
Special Envoy to Tea-Drinking Nations for The Movement To Free Oompa Loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalistic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates
In person
I think telling them in person is the best. wether its face to face or even over the phone. My mom confronted me and asked me if i was gay. in teh car. while driving really fast. she cried and cried and then cried some mroe. I know some peopel who did the letter thing. thier parents keep the letter and hold it over them. also I think the letter may be more hurtfull, because your parents mite think you don't love them enough to say it in person or maybe even fear them to much to tell them in person. that mite be what hurts them more.
JB
Vice President and Drug Tzar of The Movement To Free Ommpa loompa Land From The Tyrannical Rule Of The Evil Capitalsitic Despot Willy Wonka And Associates