In the last two days I've found increasingly cut off from normal social interaction. After a friday and saturday in which thoughts were expressed to those I sometimes interact with and I consider friends, I've found that I don't really know how to maintain the social connections I need to be a fully functioning member of society and I don't know how to go about finding a proper niche group on campus.
With that said, I found myself over the last two days sitting in the dinning hall during empty hours, reading and eating a poorly timed meal. Sunday I sat for an hour, today for two. Each time I observed in the way that I've come used to observing the empty world around me and I pondered questions that I couldn't quite answer before, questions like why white students feel uncomfortable when the sit at table filled with black and hispanic students.
They may know one person at the table or may be sitting with a white friend but they still feel outside, as if their skin made them marked as a stranger. I'm surprised it took me hours of sitting in the dinning hall by myself to notice that when it began to fill, people would avoid the small table where I sat alone with my book, people who knew me by name as well as those who didn't. This is what causes me to ask the question of what those other students expected who sat down at a table of stangers, knowing only one person and not knowing that person to the extent of ever breaking bread with him/her. It is not the responsibility of the black community to placate white strangers who wouldn't do the same.
This realization makes me wonder if I should explore my social isolation further and see what other insights it may reep. I'm thinking of one week. I'll go to my club meetings and interact as normal there as well as participate in class but I will do little more. I'll eat alone in empty spaces and turn invisible in the halls. I'll watch those who don't care to see me and I'll hear those who don't know how. For the rest of the world I'll be normal but just unreachable and I'll tell no one what I'm doing. From this I hope to gain a clarity that will guide me in my endeavors from now till semester's end.
Wish me luck!