Okay, so two months ago a guy from my real life who barely knew me told me over the internet that he liked me. Against my no dating policy at the time and my better judgment, I told him I liked him too. All was happy.
Two weeks later, after talking online and basically deciding that we would be dating when school started again, he said that it wouldn't work and that we would be better friends than boyfriends. He had no real reason for the change of heart, and I was hurt.
Two weeks later, he had a boyfriend from another school. I was even more hurt because he said something about waiting until we knew each other better and he didn't wait. He also didn't tell me, avoided me, but told all of my friends; I found out from a gossip.
I wrote to him and explained my hurt feelings and he didn't seem to care.
We saw each other on campus and didn't talk.
There was no word from him for weeks.
Less than a week ago, he instant messaged me and invited me to hang out with a group of his friends to form a sort of gay "fellowship" or support group. I thanked him for including me.
The next day, he instant messaged me again and we talk for a little bit longer. I began to think that maybe he likes me again and I saw a chance to make the right decision this time, but decided that that was just my desire for closure sneaking in to my judgment of the situation.
Then we ended up having lunch in a group of our friends.
Then he started instant messaging me more.
Then he started hinting at things again. He said that he made "a wrong decision." He was playing the same game he played before.
Then I started being more sure that he likes me again.
And now, now is the moment when I ask you for advice. I know that I don't really get replies to my posts, but I have no idea what to do. Here is my dilemma:
Do I use my better judgment and turn him down in order to maintain my self respect, even if that means being single for an indeterminable amount of time?
Do I accept and go into it seeking the good relationship I expected, even though he hurt me and knowing that he could change so suddenly? Do I put my heart out there again when it's really been abused by him before? Do I go into a situation in which I would be the backup choice, the thing he went back to after his other thing failed?
I wish that I could just be really focused on revenge and devise something devious, but that's not me. Until recently, I was sure that I would turn him down, but now I'm not sure. If I were advising myself, I'd probably tell myself to turn him down, but it's different now that I'm actually in the situation. I just don't know what to do.
One of my major issues with this whole thing was that the mess that happened a month ago was started by him and that he ended it, and that it was so quick. Maybe I'll post the conversations or something. It's hard to describe. I thought it was ridiculous at the time, too, but I went with it. He was the one that hurried it along, he was the one who upped our status to dating based on so little, and he was the one who decided that it wouldn't work when he knew no more about me than he did before. I agree: real life relationships are better. I've never seen the point in online things; they're quite silly. We were starting school in three weeks, and I really don't think that that's a long time to wait. Even if he had ended whatever thing we had because he found someone else and that all he wanted was ass and TOLD me that, I wouldn't have minded because it would have meant that it wasn't something specific to me. That would have been decent, but he wouldn't give me a reason other than that he just knew it wouldn't work. I didn't care about him one bit. I wasn't crazy about him or anything like that. It was, quite simply, what the whole thing implied about me. It was my narcissistic side being unable to handle being evaluated and rejected. Screw him; he wasn't that great.
Now, he's back and he's regretting his decision, which basically means that things didn't work out with the other guy and I'm a second choice. It implies that he was lying when he said that he felt that we wouldn't work as boyfriends so that he wouldn't look as bad, because he obviously doesn't see the same obstacles now that he did then. Loneliness is wonderful at making people re-evaluate things.
I wouldn't be so averse to dating him if he didn't bring it to the weird mindf*ck level he brought it to before. Had it been a question of what guy was more readily available and that that's why I was passed up, I wouldn't have a problem with giving things a try with him now. I wouldn't have taken the rejection as badly, and a friendship might have resulted instead of the awkwardness I started the semester with. But he made it about me. He made it personal.
I'm not looking for true love in my life now; that was obvious by the almost purely sexual relationship I had last semester. I think it would be fun to try something with him, to spend time goofing around and watching movies together as well as whatever else might happen, but now I have to worry about the whole silliness of pride and learning from past mistakes. What does it imply about my level of self respect? But then, am I being too tight-assed if I care so much about self respect? What if he does it all again and I have to go back to that bad place of wondering what's wrong with me and wondering if anyone will ever want to date me?
I suppose all I can do is what most of you have said. I'll proceed with caution. I'll have fun with it. Maybe something will happen. Maybe I'll have a spark of petty revenge and be an asshole, although I doubt it. Or maybe I'll get hurt again and this time have to live with the knowledge that I was someone's second choice and I STILL got hurt and then deal with what that implies about me.
Or maybe nothing will happen at all and I'll have spent all this time wondering for nothing.
We'll see. Maybe I'm wrong.
Bah, sex relationships with jaded seniors are easier because you know exactly why everything is happening, and you can recover from it nicely when it ends.