I think only one person will get that title...

I'm backish I guess for a little.

MY LIFE IS BOOOOOOORING PEOPLE. Almost.

I just simply had to come back and tell you what an amazing sign I saw on the road.

So my mom starts slowing down the huge ol' Blazer and I think "Well, must be a speed bump" So I look up, cuz I like watch the car go BUDUMP BUMP and stuff

WELL THE SIGN SAID OTHERWISE

"Speed Hump".

AND WHY OH WHY I HAD TO GIGGLE AT THAT
BECAUSE REALLY I'M TEN IN MY MIND, RIGHT GUYS?

Hehe... Speed hump...

So this summer, I've done STUFF
OH YES, STUFF

So i was laying down cause im cool like that.. and i came up with all these wierd thoughts i didnt wanna forget so yep:

Many people ask is there life after death but that makes me wonder if their was life before life. I mean for me theres 2 blanks. Before life and after life. I see it this way. Life is a pattern, kind of like a checkered board or a chess board.. black and white and no matter which way a person decides to go, that pattern will always be persistent.

Makes me think of addition.. nothing from nothing or nothing plus nothing. Like zero is a number so it counts lol...???

The simple things some individuals take for granted..
I don't have the time or the funds to be who i am.The real me is costly.
Once i think things might go my way everything collapses around me.
I am at the point where i want to give up, hide and never see the light
of day.
I've lost everything and the things i wished to gain seem like a losing
battle.
I hate feeling at all. I wish i was numb i wish i didnt care, shit i wish i was just content. Dull.
Maybe i should blend in with the rest of the world. Pretend some more.

until I can move out

Granted, I'm only moving to my grandma's an hour and a half away, but it's still a big deal to me. Of course, I'm not going to get the "typical college experience", but I think that it's going to be good for me...
less distractions with stuff.

Also, diversity weekend is next weekend, and I'm so excited :D
It should be a blast..
I just wish I could take him.
And I get those thoughts a lot...
It's only harder because I actually dream about him.
So realistically.

My friend, Joe, came out to me yesterday.

I wasn't really surprised because he's kinda flamboyant, but it was still really sweet.

Now I actually have another gay friend! Yes!

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one he's told so far which is kinda cool.

He's a really cool dude and I'm happy we're good enough friends for him to come out.

Right now, he's at christian camp (not having lots of fun there lol) but he comes back the 1st.

When he comes back we're going to watch all the Degrassi's he's missed while he was gone.

There's something I wanted to ask all of the transgendered folk, or really anyone who's good at giving advice.

Fender has let me read most of his old journals, and we agreed that we would be completely honest with each other. But I really don't want him reading my old journals, because it's all transgender-y stuff, and I don't know how he would react to that. I even signed with a male name. It's

For insanely supportive friends who listen to me rant and ramble about everything and anything on my mind and on my chest. Damn I miss my Amie, who listens to me even when no one else seems to and tends to be there when I need it most. Probably one of the best friends I've ever had.
And far more than what I deserve.

But still, it's nice to have someone there to talk to. Even if she is on the other end of the north island to me. I miss her hugs. She was/is a good hugger.

God, I'm crying so much. It's just nice to have someone I can talk to about everything. Everything.